FreeStylePoet

I was 

thirteen which is 

Much younger then 

the age of 

Consent 

I was too naive 

to know what I was 

getting in to 

And he was blood

He was the closest of close

He scared me 

He scares me so much 

And there is not 

one reason why 

You would think that

that was what happened

I am sorry 

But It 

was not 

consensual 

No 

you cannot tell anyone

because it is not

Your story 

Did you earn 

these scars?

Do you have 

these battle wounds?

I fought so hard

for so long

And you steal it 

Taking my story 

One I had to hide and 

tried so hard to never

Have to tell 

You stole all my 

pain and suffering

And made it yours

I am saying 

No

I’m sick of being 

Sick

But you don’t just

get better from 

What I’ve been through

they right books 

About my kind 

They always have that

token character in 

any prime time teen drama

That is me 

Except they are always

much too clean 

Make me want to 

Scream 

I am sick of being 

Sick

I am sick of people

expecting me to be 

Better 

Your lips are a 

fountain of 

all the good in the 

World

I taste you and 

I feel the beaches 

see the home 

Warm with love

Smell the home cooked

meals and 

Sense the caring and 

compassion and 

Firefly sparklers

I kiss you and 

the world becomes

Alight with 

So much beauty I 

do not know 

how to deal with 

the harsh realities 

I am faced with when 

Your lips and mine

are not sealed in a

Loving embrace 

I’m sorry I’m 

a mess

And you usually see me

When I am 

much more together

Today was trying

and I am streaked orange

I need a shower 

I need out of this 

House

I might run away in 

the morning 

I might 

I won’t 

I’m sorry 

I’m not strong enough

to care about 

Me

I spend most days

convincing myself

That I am not 

important

I am not 

worth it

Because if I was

important or great

or wonderful 

I would have been 

stronger

I would have 

spoke up sooner

I would not have

let it go on 

and on 

and 

on 

It’s my fault 

I am flawed

I am trying to 

convince myself 

That this is true

I am not

Important

Lying on the cold 

bathroom floor

My mind giving in 

My stomach turning

and my arm mysteriously 

Burning

I exist in that moment

Hearing you getting

back to yourself 

Talking to me

about me and yourself

I exist then to 

When I am too scared

to tell you 

and too ashamed to 

tell anyone els

I exist

When he hurt me 

when he didn’t ask 

for my permission 

Or when he asked it

and I was too young

to understand

I existed then also 

I always have

existed

You all have just

refused 

To see 

1
You’ve always said 
you love the 
rain and I always 
hate that phrase
No one likes 
Being chilled and soaked
You just love 
the idea of rain and 
quite abruptly I realize
I am the rain 

2
You buy me flowers
because that is what 
good boyfriends do 
And I leave the pizza boxes
on your couch
And I break the water heater
so we nearly freeze
You say that you are 
tired of my loveliness
I am growing tired of 
your desire to be a 
good boyfriend

3
We always split the bill
and you always say that
I don’t have to
do anything I don’t 
want to do 
I don’t want to do 
Anything
but cry and eat bad food
You try to instill confidence
into someone too beaten 
To know the difference 
Between freedom and 
Abandonment

4
I try to cook and clean
because that is what
good girlfriends do 
But I burn the food
and stain the rug 
with bleach I thought
It would take away the 
Pizza stains but your
rug is cream not white
You try to soothe my 
worries
But we both know that
You won’t want take out
And messiness 
forever

5
We love each other
to the point of 
Proposal and I don’t
know what to say 
and you didn’t even buy
A ring
I call my mom from
your bathroom as 
I cry because
She knows I’m more 
broken than you will
be able to 
Handle 
She tells me to
say yes 
She says that You
stayed this long 
A little longer
Fooling Ourselves
won’t hurt 

I used fake tanner

poorly 

I have streaks of

orange running

down my legs

and arms and chest

I want you to tell me 

that I look beautiful 

I want you to take 

me away 

To a lake 

I want you to 

forgive me of 

my faults and 

carelessness 

I am careless and 

I destroy things

even though

I try so hard 

Not to 

I used fake tanner

to be more normal 

But I just look 

like an orange creamsicle

Whose too desperate

to be funny  

My ribs are not

your playground 

or your garden 

Kindly up root 

these flowers that

you’ve planted

Kindly stop swinging

from the fragile frame

My ribs are not 

where you belong 

because there are

things at the root 

You wouldn’t want to 

Know

So please leave

My ribs 

alone